How to stop getting caught in dreaded non-relationships

Photo by Seth Doyle on Unsplash

If I were to ask you whether you’d agree to a friend with benefits type of arrangement, what would you say? The Hollywood box office hit Friends with Benefits starring Mila Kunis, and Justin Timberlake has touched on the subject. However, I am not convinced that these arrangements work long-term in reality.

It didn’t really in the movie either. However, while swiping left and right on my dating apps, I matched with many people looking for a friendship with benefits. It does sound quite beneficial on the surface: It’s a setup mimicking something like a romantic relationship without putting in…


How to distinguish between loving someone and being in love with the idea of someone

Photo by Diana Polekhina on Unsplash

In the end, he disappeared as quickly as he had appeared. And just like that, I was ghosted — yet another example of dating disasters to add to my list. Puzzling over what had happened, I noticed the last thing he had left in my life: a red toothbrush.

I don’t know why he left without an explanation. Maybe he was overwhelmed by his feelings or lack thereof and didn’t want to talk to me about it; maybe he simply couldn’t handle being with someone. …


Moving on quickly from being cut-off is hard but not impossible

Photo by Nothing Ahead from Pexels.

I know what it’s like to get ghosted. Without any warning, and from one moment to the next, he completely vanished from my life. While I believed everything was going great, apparently, he did not. It was especially hard for me to grasp this painful reality since we had been going out on several dates, and as far as I was concerned, we had a great time. But obviously, that was far from true for him.

After it dawned on me that he had cut off all communication with me, I was left with 15 unanswered text messages, his red…


Signs of a rebound relationship and if you are rebounding

Photo by mikoto.raw from Pexels.

I’ve been on many different online dating platforms. Here’s what I’ve learned.

I am done talking to people who are just looking for something casual. First, I don’t believe friends with benefits can work long-term. Secondly, I have come to a conclusion that, more often than not, people looking for something casual are, in fact, looking for someone to “heal” their wounds. Someone who adores them, who finds them attractive, and gives them back the feeling of being important.

There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as it’s communicated openly. Unfortunately, more often than not, I’ve had the opposite experience…


Living in other people’s hands is no longer an option for me

Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

Trying to anticipate how others will perceive us is the perfect way to make yourself miserable. But still, like many others, we try so hard to fit in with the crowd and hope that we made a great impression. We actually care how others think of us, and we’ll bend over backward to try to assure that others like us.

Remember the last time you called a friend for advice on a situation where someone didn’t react the way you thought was appropriate? There are many examples of that in my life. Like the strange neighbor who neither greets me…


Misogynistic Messages, a Homicide, and the “Bierwirt”

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

Trigger Warning: this article contains descriptions of violence against women that may not be suitable for all readers. Fearless community, please read with care.

Austria has a unique and troubling position in female victims in homicides within the European Union. In 2020, 31 women were among a total of 43 murder victims. At the end of April, the ninth femicide in 2021 occurred, triggering outrage and a media frenzy due to the man who allegedly murdered his ex-partner.

The alleged perpetrator is the “Bierwirt,” (a pub owner from Vienna) who had become known through a legal dispute with Green politician…


It’s why some relationships never flourish and others fail

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels.

I decided to have a clear view of how I want my future relationship to be, and it was the best decision I ever made. Here’s why.

To me, all relationships in life base on the same principle: certainty. By this, I mean, above all, the certainty that someone is effectively and wholeheartedly supportive and accepting of me. Several studies have shown how important it is to radiate security to your partner. Furthermore, uncertainty about a prospective romantic partner’s interest in you might make you think of them as less sexually appealing.

We trick ourselves into believing someone is less…


Nothing sticks, everything is forgotten, and ignorance is king

Photo by Ahmed Hasan on Unsplash

I am looking forward to a time where unsolicited mansplaining and whitesplaining are a thing of the past. Certain views do not qualify as opinions. Using ignorance as a denial tactic only concludes the following: There is no point in talking to idiots.

The reason I came to this conclusion is essentially due to a story my best friend told me one fine Sunday afternoon over a glass of white wine. She had just returned from her father’s birthday party and was seething with rage. …


Men robbing women of their discoveries distorted history — and it still happens now

Photo by Ugur Akdemir on Unsplash

The great women didn’t go anywhere; they were simply written out of history. Because if we believe in history books, then the world is dominated by white men. As the books tell it, history consists of a parade of almost entirely white men, interrupted only occasionally by the appearance of a token woman, who may be well-deserving of her honors but is usually highlighted for oddness.

While I was looking for ingenious female inventors and scientists through history, I found that time and time again they did exist but their male counterparts took the credit for the discoveries and inventions…


Why bridging the gender data gap is a necessity, not an option

Photo by Reproductive Health Supplies Coalition on Unsplash

If you are a Caucasian man who is 25–30 years old and weighs 70 kg, then you are the human reference research studies across sectors for decades have used. If you don’t fall into this category, then this article will infuriate you. Why? Because there is a gender data gap — it’s the reason why women are 50 percent more likely to be incorrectly diagnosed after a heart attack and 17 percent more likely to die in a car crash.

A sick system: medical research focuses on male patients

In medicine, however, missing data quickly has deadly consequences. It’s not only a question of missing data but also that…

Phoebe Kirke

Feminist, activist, sister, but above all, hurt. Writing is my path to living life to the fullest.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store